All You Need is Love
With it being the month of Valentine’s Day, the topic of love is on the brain. How can we best love our Logic-aged children? Gary Chapman is famous for his book 5 Love Languages. In it, he proposes the 5 love languages consist of Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Often we may be showing those we care about that we love them, but if we aren’t speaking in their “language” they may not receive the message. For example, a parent may be pretty busy with work, errands, and household tasks but is sure to hug their child before bed to show their love. If the child’s love language is physical touch, this probably helps meet that need and fill their love bucket. However, if it is quality time, the child may be longing to spend time with the parent and the hug will do little to lessen that desire. Their love bucket stays low to empty until the parent finds some extra time to devote to quality time.
How can we be sure we are loving our children well in a way they understand? It may be easy to think through the 5 love languages and know which one applies to your child. If it’s a little more difficult, some questions you can ask yourself are, “How does my child show love to me or to others?” Often the way one expresses love is a clue to how they also accept love. Another way to decipher their love language is to think about the questions they ask you. If they ask to go do something together, it’s likely quality time. If they ask how something looks on them or how their project looks, they may need words of affirmation. If you do something to help them and they seem overly touched, they may thrive on acts of service. Begin to study your child and the answer may become evident.
Perhaps you have known your child’s love language for years but it seems that it has all of a sudden changed. Maybe your child used to thrive on quality time and now seems to not want to spend time with you. Know that this is normal. Their bodies and brains are going through so many changes and this affects every aspect of their lives, including their reactions to family. Also, know that the need is still there, it just looks different and often varies depending on what else has happened in their day. Maintain your unconditional love and pursuit of their hearts. When they have hard days and pull away, do your best to extend grace and not take their reaction personally or think they don’t want to have a close relationship with you. The unconditional love and grace offered, while still maintaining boundaries of respect for you as the parent, will help you conquer these logic school years with a healthy relationship intact. Happy Valentine’s Day! “We love because He first loved us” 1 John 4:19
