The Power of our Words

We recently talked in one of the girl lunch groups about the importance of our words.  The Bible talks about how our words are sharper than a two edged sword (Proverbs 12:18) and can bring life or death (Proverbs 18:21).  It is important for us to choose our words wisely and use them to build others up.  This means we refrain from gossip or words that will be hurtful to others.

Part of choosing our words wisely is knowing how to handle conflict in a healthy manner.  We discussed how to talk with a friend about something that is bothersome.  When you approach your friend to have this conversation, it is good to start with the end in mind and share that with your friend.  For example, say, “I care about you and your friendship matters a lot to me so I wanted to talk to you about something that is bothering me so that we can talk through it and fix it.”  When you let the other person know up front that you care about them and the friendship and that your end goal is a stronger friendship, they are much more likely to listen and less likely to be defensive.  Once the groundwork is established, it is important to use “I feel” statements.  For example, “I felt hurt when you didn’t talk to me in class.  Is everything ok?”  Using “I feel” statements facilitates the listener to be less defensive than saying, “Why did you…” or “You always…”  Listening to understand the other person’s perspective is helpful and then working to offer apologies and forgiveness when appropriate helps restore the friendship.  

We dove a bit deeper into the importance of forgiveness and how it helps restore relationships but also how it is most beneficial for the one forgiving, not the recipient.  We encouraged them to pray through forgiveness on a regular basis utilizing the following outline:

1.  I forgive (name of person) for (name EVERYTHING that comes to mind that the person has done to hurt you, one by one)
2. God, I ask you to forgive them as well and to heal my heart from the hurt they have caused.
3. Please help me to see them as You do and love them as You do.
4. Thank you, God, for the good things about them (list the good things)
5. I ask you, God, to bless them in every way.

We then talked about having healthy boundaries.  We have to decide what is healthy for ourselves and limit our use of technology when it is becoming stressful or adding drama.  We also have to remember that if we are behaving in a way that is in accordance with the Bible, and someone doesn’t respond well, we can stand firm on our choices and not feel like we have to change based on their reaction.  For example, if a friend wants to gossip to you and you say, “Let’s talk about something else” hopefully the friend agrees and you move on.  However, if the gossiping friend does not respect your boundary and gets upset with you for saying that, her reaction is her responsibility.  The friend who is doing the right thing doesn’t have to be swayed to gossip just to appease the other friend.  

We finished by taking time to use our words to build each other up.  We drew names and one by one the girls stood and others showered them with words of encouragement and affirmation.  It was incredibly heartfelt and it was obvious that each girl stood a bit taller and more confident after hearing words of encouragement from their peers.  We encouraged them to make this a normal practice and to take time every day to use their words to encourage and build up those around them.  In doing this, we are following Colossians 4:6 which says to, “Always let your conversation be full of grace…” and Ephesians 4:29 which states, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”