Logic Counseling

With it being the month of Valentine’s Day, the topic of love is on the brain.  How can we best love our Logic-aged children?  Gary Chapman is famous for his book 5 Love Languages.  In it, he proposes the 5 love languages consist of Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.  Often we may be showing those we care about that we love them, but if we aren’t speaking in their “language” they may not receive the message.  For example, a parent may be pretty busy with work, errands, and household tasks but is sure to hug their child before bed to show their love.  If the child’s love language is physical touch, this probably helps meet that need and fill their love bucket.  However, if it is quality time, the child may be longing to spend time with the parent and the hug will do little to lessen that desire.  Their love bucket stays low to empty until the parent finds some extra time to devote to quality time.  

How can we be sure we are loving our children well in a way they understand?  It may be easy to think through the 5 love languages and know which one applies to your child.  If it’s a little more difficult, some questions you can ask yourself are, “How does my child show love to me or to others?”  Often the way one expresses love is a clue to how they also accept love.  Another way to decipher their love language is to think about the questions they ask you.  If they ask to go do something together, it’s likely quality time.  If they ask how something looks on them or how their project looks, they may need words of affirmation.  If you do something to help them and they seem overly touched, they may thrive on acts of service.  Begin to study your child and the answer may become evident.  

Perhaps you have known your child’s love language for years but it seems that it has all of a  sudden changed.  Maybe your child used to thrive on quality time and now seems to not want to spend time with you.  Know that this is normal.  Their bodies and brains are going through so many changes and this affects every aspect of their lives, including their reactions to family.  Also, know that the need is still there, it just looks different and often varies depending on what else has happened in their day.  Maintain your unconditional love and pursuit of their hearts.  When they have hard days and pull away, do your best to extend grace and not take their reaction personally or think they don’t want to have a close relationship with you.  The unconditional love and grace offered, while still maintaining boundaries of respect for you as the parent, will help you conquer these logic school years with a healthy relationship intact.  Happy Valentine’s Day!  “We love because He first loved us” 1 John 4:19

Happy New Year!  We hope and pray that your Christmas break was full of family time, laughter, rest, and memories that will last a lifetime.  As we enter into 2023, everything feels fresh and new.  The old is behind us and we have a whole new year ahead!  With that comes the glorious freedom to make it whatever we want.  We can keep the habits that cause us to thrive, cast off those that pull us down, and create new ones to make this year one we long for.  That said, here are a few considerations that you and your student can ponder and discuss as you plan for this year.

First, what can you do as a family and individually to grow spiritually?  Would you like to read through the Bible in a year?  If not the entire Bible, would you like to read the Bible together in some form or fashion?  The “Holy Bible” app has many different plans that you can read individually or share as a family.  Is there a new devotional book that you could read and discuss together?  If memorizing more scripture is on your list of goals, consider getting the “Bible Memory” app.  It is fantastic for scripture memory and fun for teens.  Another idea is to spend focused time praying together daily or weekly…for school work and tests, for each other, for friends, for family friends, for your church, for PCA, for ministries you support, etc.  If you received Christmas cards from family friends, you can hold onto them and draw one from the pile every day or each week and pray together for that family.  Spending time in the Word and prayer is the most important thing we can do each and every day and will bring peace and joy despite anything else that may come our way this year. 

Second, what can you do as a family and individually to grow in physical health?  Maybe you can plan some fun hikes as a family, shoot hoops together in the driveway, and have fun being active together.  Focusing on diet is also a popular topic this time of year after all the Christmas goodies.  Maybe you can challenge each other to see who can eat the most servings of fruits and veggies in a day, drink the most water, or spend time exercising.  When our bodies are well rested, hydrated, and fed properly, we are able to do so much more in every other area of our lives, including learning in school.  

Third, what can you do as a family and individually to grow mentally?  Do you want to read a book each month? Take time each day to do brain puzzles?  Find a topic of interest to study this year?  Visit a museum?  Taking time to grow mentally helps keep our brains young, healthy, and working optimally. One fun idea is to read the literature book your child is assigned so you can discuss it together.

Lastly, what can you do as a family and individually to encourage emotional health?  Do you want to plan regular date nights?  Kids feel most secure when they can depend on the stability of their parents.  Family fun nights?  Sometimes these are hard to fit into the schedule with all the obligations but they pay huge dividends.  Another idea is to take time each day at dinner to share highs and lows from the day with each other or take time for each person to encourage or compliment another family member.  The world can be a tough place where we receive negative feedback.  Making our home a haven of encouragement and a place where we have each others’ backs allows us to unwind and breathe a little easier. It is also important to take time to focus on gratitude.  Research has shown it is vital to happiness and life satisfaction.  Take time each day to share what you are thankful for.  You can make it a game and start with A and go to Z, coming up with something for each letter.  You can have your kids keep gratitude journals.  Or, you can write down a fun memory or something you are thankful for each day or week and tuck them in a jar to revisit at Thanksgiving or at the end of 2023.  

Taking time to be purposeful to plan for what we want to achieve helps us choose the life we want to create instead of life just passing us by.  Then we put our plan into action, adjusting where needed, and bear the fruit of better health spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Whatever goals you decide to make for this year, we hope 2023 is the best year yet and that you find peace and joy every day and know how great and wide is His love for each of us. (Ephesians 3:18)

We recently had the opportunity to host Parents Who Fight for a parent education night.  They also led student seminars the following day for each grade division and had a wealth of information for all age levels.  73 percent of the logic students reported they learned something new that they did not know before.  75 percent said it would change the amount of time they spend on a device, or that they would be more mindful of how they are being marketed, or their digital footprint.  If you missed the parent night and have not had a chance to watch the replay, I am including it here.  

A few quick action steps you can take to make sure your students are safe…

1. Know the difference between filtering, blocking, and monitoring.  Filtering has to do with what internet content is excluded or allowed.  Blocking is what prevents a certain site or app from being accessed.  Monitoring is a report on what has been accessed or blocked.  It is good to have all 3.  

Filtering: 

• Go to www.google.com/preferences and turn on “safe search” to filter out explicit information from appearing in google searches.  Safe search is also available on Bing.
• Gather each device your family owns (phones, tablets, TVs, etc) and set parental controls on each.  
• With apps like Netflix, Hulu, and others used for streaming, set up profiles for each member of the family along with viewing preferences for maturity.  Password protect any profile that has a higher maturity viewing capability so it cannot be accessed by younger family members.  
• Utilize YouTube Kids instead of the basic YouTube.  You can also assign profiles on YouTube Kid.  If using basic YouTube, enable “restricted mode.”
• Set options that will turn off automatic preview ads along with continuous play and “recommended” viewing options.  
• Vid Angel is an app you can use to filter out unwanted content out of movies and TV shows.  It allows you to choose which content you want filtered out.
• Consider having a whole house filter like Circle www.meetcircle.com or Gryphon www.gryphonconnect.com They are both easy to install and will help filter out material for all devices in the house and send you a report.  They also allow you to “pause” the internet for the house or a certain device.   

Blocking:

• Remember that filters like Circle and Gryphon do not work inside apps.  These apps are owned by their developers and cannot be accessed by overall filters on phones, TVs, or laptops.  Be mindful of this and only allow your child to have apps that you feel add value to their life.  With the ones you choose to keep and use, go into each app and set parental controls.  One great option is to turn off messaging capabilities within these apps as it keeps strangers or predators from being able to privately message them.  Paying for the ad free version is also vital to keeping them from viewing ads that may be inappropriate.
• Block any apps or websites you do not want them to visit.
• Common Sense Media https://www.commonsensemedia.org/  and Plugged In https://www.pluggedin.com/  are great resources to utilize to preview content and reviews before deciding if a movie, tv show, or book  is appropriate for your child.  

Monitoring: 

• Consider having Bark, Covenant Eyes, or other monitoring help that will report to you any concerning activity or websites.  
• Monitor their devices on a regular basis to ensure safety.  This is part of teaching them how to utilize devices in a way that is beneficial and healthy and not harmful.  Engage them in conversation over anything concerning.
• Be sure to also check their google activity log (MyActivity.Google.com) as well as their documents on their computers.  

2. Know that social media is not allowed by law before the age of 13. Delaying use until 16 is recommended for positive mental health. The amount of research that connects increased use of social media with decreased mental health in teens is astounding.  If you choose to allow them to have social media, be sure their account is set to private, their location is turned off, and their messaging capabilities are also off.  

3. Remember that tablets have almost all of the same capabilities as a smartphone.  Be diligent in checking them as you would a phone.

4. Consider downloading family friendlier apps like YouTube Kids, Yipee, Pure Flix, Angel, Dove, or RightNow Media.  Many of these will still need to be monitored but are known for being more family friendly in their content.  

If you feel it is best to delay having a device, you are not alone!  Only 58 percent of logic students report having a smartphone.  So, close to half do not have a smartphone.  10 percent do not own any device at all including a tablet!  There is a movement called Wait Until 8th that encourages parents to wait until 8th grade before allowing smartphones.  If you are interested in learning more about that you can visit waituntil8th.org.  Students have enough pressure as it is in middle school and being able to delay the stress that comes with smart phones as long as possible is incredibly helpful and highly recommended.  The more families that make this choice, the easier it is to shift the culture.  At the end of the day, our goal as parents is to protect what they are exposed to as children, help guide them as teens, and teach them so they know how to encounter the tech world with wisdom once they graduate and are on their own.  We want them to enjoy childhood as much as possible.  A lower tech life means more time in nature, playing a game of hoops outside with friends, being engaged with family, reading the Bible, and making memories they will carry for the rest of their lives.  

If you feel you could use some additional guidance to keep your family safe, Parents Who Fight offers consultations to walk you through the steps.  They will even come to your home and help you set it up if desired!  If interested, you can contact parentswhofight.com and mention you are with PCA.  www.protectyoungeyes.com is also another wonderful resource.  Last but not least, don’t forget you have free access to Axis compliments of PCA.  They also have several great discussion guides on technology, social media, etc.  www.axis.org  Working together, we can create a safer online environment for our families and take back some of our valuable family time.  May your Christmas break be full of family time and happy memories!