Grammar Counseling

3rd – 5th graders will learn ways to not only ‘stand in someone else’s shoes’ (empathy), but will challenge themselves to confront unkind behavior amongst peers through partner sharing and whole group discussion. The pain of rejection is probably real to most adults, so it’s no surprise watching our children go through a similar experience can be provocative. However, only offering comfort and not teaching ways to confront the offender appropriately does not necessarily build emotional muscle in the long run and could potentially lead to a feeling of victimization in the classroom setting over time, according to one 2020 study by Yun and Juvenon.  An important equipping tool to build emotional muscle is to help students stand up for themselves when either intentionally or unintentionally something that caused hurt was said or done.

As students discuss ways to resolve hypothetical scenarios during guidance class, they are often quick to recognize how hurtful behavior will result in a consequence from a teacher/parent making that reasoning the main deterrent. While this statement is developmentally appropriate for Grammar age students, continuing to challenge students to make the consequences of conflict or rejection more personal by standing up for themselves can be key:

“When you sent that meme to others that made fun of me, you really hurt my feelings.”
“Saving seats for everyone but me, made me feel really left out today.”
“When you said what you did about my hair and everyone laughed, I didn’t appreciate that.”

This is tough to do at any age (depending on your personality) because the inclination to hide or minimize is very real. Of course, forgiveness and reconciliation are another piece of the story as a culture of support is built amongst peers. With developing emotional muscle, which takes practice like any developing muscle group, students can bravely stand up for themselves and others in ways that promote an end result of more kindness and healthier boundaries.

Yun, HY., Juvonen, J. Navigating the Healthy Context Paradox: Identifying Classroom Characteristics that Improve the Psychological Adjustment of Bullying Victims. J Youth Adolescence 49, 2203–2213 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-020-01300-3

“The devil has made it his business to monopolize on three elements: noise, hurry, crowds. He will not allow quietness.”  – Elisabeth Elliot

It’s the same season that comes around this time of year without surprise. What also seems to be of no surprise is the reaction to the holidays by some. Rushing to finish details, stress about gift giving, obligatory parties, pressures to continue traditions that may no longer serve a family well, and in some cases, frenetic music in the name of Christmas tunes can add to an amplified shopping experience. Oh Holy Night could easily be replaced with noise, hurry, and crowds as renowned missionary, teacher, and author Elisabeth Elliot laments the three areas easily hijacked at any time of year. What will you do to intentionally be present with your family this season? Or a better question is, what will you not do? 

Full disclosure, my family just celebrated our first Thanksgiving dinner with chili and cornbread (I may have worn sweats to the dinner table). The backstory is our family usually dresses for this holiday, will often set a proper table, and we enjoy way too many food selections and desserts filled with laughter, extended family, and distended bellies. The departure this year was intentional, and it served us well for this time of life. It brought rest and simplicity with different kinds of memories. Laughter still ensued; it was just more “unplugged.”

This season, consider the elegance in slowing down your pace. It is counter cultural to be still and quiet. Noise (and I don’t mean white, pink, and brown noise that can be relaxing to the brain) could drown out the very words you need to hear. Allow the Holy Spirit to give to you the gift of time with Him so you can give your full self to others. So listen to the quiet; what is it saying?