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Grammar Counseling

Counseling

Grammar Counseling

The Providence Christian Academy counseling team is committed to helping students develop their God given potential academically, behaviorally, emotionally, mentally, physically, socially, and spiritually.

Resources for Grammar Students and Families

Axis: Navigating conversations around today’s issues (membership included for PCA families)
https://axis.org/

Common Sense Media: Independent ratings and reviews for entertainment
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/

Parents Who Fight: In home consultations to safeguard media devices
http://parentswhofight.com/about/

Protect Young Eyes: Explains social media, gaming, photo and video apps and offers THE PROTECT App for monitoring devices.
https://protectyoungeyes.com/resources/

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Meet our Grammar School Counselor:

Jamie Kuban joined the PCA family in the fall of 2021 as the counselor for the School of Grammar. She earned her BS degree in Psychology from King University and her M. Ed in School Counseling from Lipscomb University. In addition to individual counseling and daily Lunch Bunch groups with students, she enjoys creating classroom lessons that support students in the foundational development of social/emotional awareness from a Christian worldview. A Tennessee native and Williamson County resident for most of her life, Jamie and her husband Albert live in Franklin and have two adult children and one son-in-law. She loves to travel with her family (and dog) to Kiawah Island, connect with friends and family on her front porch (aka Porch Time), and listen to podcasts and Audible during the commute to PCA. What she appreciates most about the PCA counseling department is the freedom to merge prayer and scripture with counseling/psychology to positively impact students.

Jamie Kuban
615-904-0902
jkuban@providencechristian.com
410 DeJarnette Lane Murfreesboro, TN 37130

Grammar Counseling Newsletters

  • Facts and Feelings: How “I” Statements Promote Healing 

    Relationships can naturally lead to confrontation. It’s easy to get entangled in your feelings and leave out the facts of the situation. It’s also easy to be a die-hard for facts and ignore the feelings of others entirely with a thoughtless delivery. Interestingly, Jesus was about the truth as well as the delivery of the content. He also cared about feelings, to the extent it brought us back to the truth. 

    2 Timothy 2: 24-25 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people.
    Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.

    If we are Christians, we are servants of the Lord called to kindness. But how do we engage in kind confrontation involving current or past grievances? In the heat of a battle with a friend or family member, the best advice is to pause until cooler heads prevail. However, a pause does not necessarily mean a problem solved. Instead, a pause enables your physical responses to settle, like the hormones coursing through your body, which allows the brain to be more open for rational discussion. Walking away from drama has its place in the problem solving piece. But afterwards, what can be done to begin relationship repair? Enter the “I” statement: 

    I feel….
    When you….
    Because….
    Next time…..

    “I” statement flip booklets were made by 3rd – 5th graders as a way to practice meaningful, orderly ways to start conversations. Each grade level was challenged with hypothetical problems using this skeletal outline to better elaborate grievances.  For example, one sibling talking to another sibling might sound like:

    I feel really frustrated when you run into my room and knock over my Legos because I have worked hard on my project. It  keeps me from studying my spelling words when you run around my room. I’m afraid I won’t be ready for the test. Next time, could you please ask first?

    Emphasis on the “because” highlights the reason for feeling so strongly about the problem. This gives important insight as to why the behavior was perceived as harmful or insensitive.  The next time your student has a conflict, consider encouraging the framework of “I” statements to get meaningful conversation started to help merge facts and feelings. 

  • Lights Out: Establishing a bedtime routine for healthy school habits.

    It’s not uncommon for some students to struggle with anxious thoughts leading up to bedtime. Providing structure and reassurance is key when bedtime feels scary to children and tweens. But how do we do this without actually fueling the anxiety more? Here are a few tips to restart the training process if bedtime has become more like a nightmare so your student can begin to sleep well and be more prepared for the next day. Take heart, you can teach your child to push back against anxious thoughts and make new neural pathways that retrain the brain to dampen the fear that drives them to irrational responses at bedtime.

    ●  Get an agreed upon plan in place by the adults who will be holding each other accountable. It can be very tiring after a long day of work to stick to any plan. If you are implementing an official night time routine, explain it when the child is calm and several hours before bedtime. Calmly make clear the parents’ agreed upon expectations. For example, you might say, “Mom will read one story tonight followed by prayer time. After that, it will be time to go to bed.”

    ●  Address fears well before bedtime while your child is calm. Prepare them for what to do when worry shows up to challenge the new routine. It’s also an important time to remind your child why you can’t continue to sleep on the floor of his bedroom, for example, because you need your rest too. This will make no sense once he is dysregulated.

    ●  Use language that addresses the worry as something that can be a normal feeling but can’t be an all controlling feeling. Teach your child to talk back to fear and challenge thoughts that seek to control. “Worry has shown up again doing what it does best… trying to make you miserable.” Your child likely won’t get this concept immediately or in the throes of the stressful moment, so these ongoing conversations are important when everyone is calm (and not during the bedtime routine).

    ●  Watch out for words intended to push your buttons. If your child is furious you are no longer participating in the way they want the bedtime routine to happen, remember, you can’t always rationalize with big emotions. Wait until the morning to review things that might have been hurtful, inappropriate or just plain not true. This is your shining hour to be the leader in your child’s life and show them a confident, loving, and measured response (when everyone is calm). It also holds them accountable and becomes a time to reflect, not combat. Remember, worry and anxiety would love to get you back in the bedroom for “just one more story”.

    ●  Start new routines leading up to a weekend or a break. You or your child could be tired the next few mornings settling into the new normal so a couple days to recover may be ideal.

    ●  Provide assurance without a hook. Avoid staying in the room to help your child fall asleep (laying in the bed beyond story time, hanging out in the doorway). Instead, assure your child you will check on them every 3-10 minutes, depending on their age, and that you are just in the next room.

    ●  Be careful making deals or offering prizes. The reason being, anxiety can have a big appetite. An ice cream cone today may turn into a pony tomorrow just \to get the same response a month later.

    ●  Remind your child he can and will fall asleep. Just like you don’t tell your lungs to inhale, your child has likely fallen asleep every day of his life.

    ●  Help settle their mind. After your routine, allow some books, a journal, a drawing pad, or a favorite stuffed animal to help the brain unwind. NO SCREENS. Help your child memorize key scriptures verses during the day. Suggest counting backwards. Teach them to pick a category like names of cities, animals, or Bible characters. Then for every letter of the alphabet, give a name.

    ●  Stay committed to the change. Be prepared for a few good days and then a relapse. Breaking and replacing old habits takes time, and this is where many parents understandably grow weary. By having your game plan, it takes the emotion out of the temptation to cave.

    For more tips on reframing anxious tendencies in students, check out psychotherapist Lynn Lyons: Lynn Lyons: Helping Anxious Kids and Families Manage Anxiety Disorders

  • Is Breathing Overrated?

    Why taking a deep breath will only take you so far

    There is something about the shift after Labor Day making it feel as if summer has said adieu. SEC football is here, the novelty of a new school year has worn off, and routine is a reality. Is anybody struggling? Maybe you have a very tired 1st grader who is used to a half-day kindergarten schedule, or various uniform quirks are arising, or homework triggers begin fueling anxious or angry feelings?

    Counselors are infamous for training breathing techniques to help children cope with big feelings, and the reality is breathing is a great practice! In fact, it is difficult to reason with a child that is feeling out of control, so the first step to making a better decision is to become calmer. No matter what type of breathing – square, circle, lying down, visualizing an ocean, or reciting a scripture verse or truth to accompany a four count breath – calming the amygdala to regain a rational thought process is crucial. But… we can’t stop there.

    The analogy of putting a spare tire on your car to only implementing breathing techniques means the problem is temporarily handled, as is the big emotion. You still need a new tire, and the anxiety or anger triggers are still very much present. Think of breathing as a support system to aid your child to do the hard work required to move forward, not the sole answer to the problem. The uniform is still waiting for your child as is the long day and the big presentation in front of the entire class. 

    Breathing will not eliminate these requirements; it only acts as the first line of defense so you can train a calmer brain to do hard things. Now the work can begin as parents, teachers, and counselors teach students to push against the crippling thoughts to embrace the expectation or goal. If you keep breathing as one piece of the other parts to manage anxiety and subdue anger and not the culmination, you will successfully begin to equip your child to receive the next tool which is, “I can do hard things.”

    Quarter 1 Guidance Instruction / Ephesians 4:32, James 1:19

    Lesson #1
    K –  5th / Meet the School Counselor: What I can do for you, what I can’t do, where I’m located, & 4 ways to connect with me (teacher, parent, self, referral box)
    K – 2nd / Milk Goes to School by Terry Border

    Lesson #2
    K – 1st / Lacy Walker Nonstop Talker by Christianne Jones, fruit of the spirit: Self-control
    2nd – 5th / Social Filter: Protect your friends’ feelings,  save you from feeling embarrassed, show respect to adults in charge, help you stay out of trouble 

    Lesson #3
    K – 1st / A Little Spot of Kindness by Diane Alber, fruit of the spirit: Kindness
    2nd – 5th / Communication: Active Listening- the importance of tone, body language, and facial expressions when listening
    3rd – 5th / Journaling begins 

    Lesson #4
    K – 1st / A Small Kindness by Stacy McAnulty, fruit of the spirit: Kindness continued
    2nd / A Small Kindness by Stacy McAnulty, Active Listening practice continued
    3rd – 5th  / Kahoot summative assessment, journaling

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